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Lyrics
You
Dropped the Soap
Wake up early
so you get to the gym
Yeah so you can look real thin
so tight, so white, so right
on the StairMaster, your the master of stairs
you're the Stair Master but nobody cares!
get into the locker room so you can wash up
Dont drop the soap cause you know what's happenin
You
dropped the soap
and now you need it
You dropped the soap
you've been set free
You dropped the soap
you can't not have it
You dropped the soap
and now you're gay
16 men in the locker room
yeah they be lookin at you
so tight, so white, so right
on the ThighMaster you're the master of thighs
You're the Thigh Master, you're the master of guys!
get into the locker room so you can wash up
Dont drop the soap cause you know what's happenin
You dropped
the soap
and now you need it
You dropped the soap
you've been set free
You dropped the soap
you can't not have it
You dropped the soap
and now you're gay
I Made it with a Priest
I
always knew I had a special relationship, with father Smiff
We used to teach Sunday school together.
He always taught me what was wrong,
And he taught me what was right.
On that fatal night he pulled down my pants
And showed me what it meant to be tight
Disgrace mark man.
I made it with a Priest
Wanna see my fucking disease
My penance was his cock
Took me in the confessional box
3 Hail Mary’s in the Ass
never knew that his Dick could last
Holy Water on my face
now I feel like I'm a holy disgrace
“why don’t you go to CCD anymore? your always skippin out.”
I said “ I cant return to Smiff”
“I don’t want to go to CCD
when its one on one with the Priest and me"
because he's always trying to grab it and he's touching
pinching and poking
prodding and he’s sucking and
holy water face man
I
made it with a Priest
Wanna see my fucking disease
My penance was his cock
Took me in the confessional box
3 Hail Mary’s in the Ass
never knew that his Dick could last
Holy Water on my face
HOLY WATER MAN!
I
made it with a Priest
Scott Fargus
Scott
Fargus
The kid's got yellow eyes
Beats down every kid in town and he bites.
Bites your scalp and makes you bleed
Give him rubber
Give him tweed
Give him something for his ramahni
We're going to the frat zone
With yellow eyes.
I just want to eat a vegetarian burrito
And stick it in my
Cramper
(stick it in my Cramper)
Do you want to go to the beach
And listen to Fred Schnider stomp his feet?
Do you want to go to the beach?
Do the Ditty
And the Cram
FafafafafafaFargus
Guess what?
My
sister fucked Mr. Fargus
I can't believe my eyes
I walked in on Mr. Fargus
putting his tounge in
between my sisters thighs
Mr. Fargus why did you lick my sister's
Cramper?
She's only fucking Seven!
Mr Fargus why did you
lick my sister's
Cramper?
Mr Fargus! Fafafa Fargus!
FafafafafafaFargus
I Mailed you my Cum
I
mailed you my Cum
I mailed you my Cum
And a baggy of my pubic hair
I mailed you my Cum
Try to want to make you want me
But it didn’t work
I tried to ask you out last week
But then you dissed me
had a Camaro and an Italian flag around his neck
He was really popular,
had lots of friends
and I got nothing
I mailed you my Cum
And a baggy of my pubic hair
I mailed you my Cum
but
you wouldn’t have me
so I had to stalk you
and figure out where you work every night
locate you on the premises
and make sure you that had no escape
I
followed you to your car
I knew you had a few drinks
And probably smoked some Crack in the bathroom
I knew you weren’t able to fend me off
And I had just been to the gym so I was pumped up
So
I came up to you I said
"Mary baby what do you think of me know?"
You said "Go away! Your such a Fucking queer!"
I said "That’s what you think!"
then I pulled out my shank
And I fucked her
yeah right in the crack
Then I creamed her mouth and I creamed on my sack
wiped it up with a ten dollar bill
I said buy yourself a life and send me the change
Cause I...
I
mailed you my Cum
I mailed you my Cum
And a baggy of my pubic hair
I mailed you my Cum
So
know on every year of the anniversary
I beat off in a fucking envelope
and I shave off my
pubes
put it in a baggy
and mail it to your location
of living space
and you get it
and you open it
your never shocked
cause I always send it in the same envelope
I
got a camera
A secret camera
Watching you
And
you open it and every time you get a gleam in your eye
So I know I must of Fucked you right
That night you were all Fucked up on the Crank
And had to many RomeoSambucas in your Ass
And
I still jerk off to the thought
of you crying, crying in the back of your Camry
That’s right
I'm gonna take you
Back to the memory
Pick your Death
Do you want to be Bludgeoned?
Pick your death!
Do you want to be stabbed?
Pick your death!
Drawn and Quartered?
Pick your death!
Do you want to be Hung?
And I will show you all the Fucked up things that you have done wrong
All the crimes you committed
All the lies that you told
The people that you Fucked
and the ones that you wanted
to
the boys that u hurt
and their faces that u came upon
so pick your death
because you know what to do!
Pick your death!
Do you want to be Bludgeoned?
Pick your death!
Do you want to be stabbed?
Pick your death!
Drawn and Quartered?
Pick your death!
Do you want to be Hung?
And
I will take you where the Devil and his friends play
And he will show you all the fucked up things that u have done wrong
The dogs that u fucked
and the cats that u wanted to
The fists that you flung
And the bodies that u buried
the cocks that u sucked
and the pussies that u married
so pick your death
because you know what to do!
Pick your death!
Do you want to be Bludgeoned?
Pick your death!
Do you want to be stabbed?
Pick your death!
Drawn and Quartered?
Pick your death!
Do you want to be Hung?
I put it in a
criminal
I put it in a crime
I put it in a mannequin
and I put it in a mime
I put it in lasso
and I put it in the street
I put it your casserole
and I put it in your doggy bag...
I put it in a teddy bear
and
I put it in a reef
I put it in some Turpentine
and I put it in a thief
I put it in a maxi pad
and I put it in a clock
I put it some after shave
and let the cold run over me...
I put it Grandma
and I put it in Grandad
They are both dead and that makes me real sad
I put it in a VCR
and I put it in a sock
I put it in a meat grinder
and now I have no Cock and Balls
Tatooed
Millionaire
What the Fuck's
up with your Dick?
What the Fuck's up with your Nuts?
Oh Tattooed Millionaire
You have a birth-mark on the head of your penis
some say it's like Gorbachev, Australia, Bob Marley
Oh when you were born
The
doctors were frightened
They went too low
circumcised you
one nut, one nut
you only have one testi
What
the Fuck's up with your Dick?
What the Fuck's up with your Nut?
Tattooed Millionaire
You can't can't find
your testi
freaking out, freaking out
you freak the girls out
stain, stain, stain
staining it.
In the locker room
slipping out
Hey! why is it that way?
why is it that way?
Tattoo
Gorbachev
Bob Marley
Australia
Dauntingly reasonable
What
the Fuck's up with your Dick?
What the Fuck's up with your Nut?
What the Fuck's up with your...?
I got
the Righteous
I
said a baby
I got a prick
I got a hymen
I
got a
tasty man inside my head
I got a
Smurffette inside my pants
I
got the righteous
I got the righteous
I got the righteous
I got the righteous
Cunts
aren't just for Fucking
Cunts aren't
just for Fucking
You can use it as a hand warmer
when it's 16 degrees below
You can use it as a juice machine
when you want a tasty treat on the go
You can use it as an ashtray
when you got no place to put your butts
You can use it as a nutcrack
If you ain't got nothin to crack your nuts
Cunts
aren't just for Fucking
You can use it as zip-lock bag
when you're tryin to marinate your meat
you can use it as a shoe horn
havin trouble puttin shoes on your feet
You can use it as a pencil sharpener
when you want a finer tip
you can use it as a mop
when you're swabbin up the deck of your ship
Cunts aren't just for Fucking
Edgar
and Louise
I’m
a cross between
Edgar and Louise
I’m a cross between
Edgar and Louise
For Edgar and Louise
I just want to be my own identity bitch
And be a free spirit like the breeze
YEAH!!
The beach and the weeds
I'm a cross between
The beach and the weeds
I
don’t wanna be mistaken
For a little itsy piece of sand
Or a weed in your fields
I just want to be a free spirit like the breeze
Mother fucker’
Free, yeah!
Crasins and peas
I'm a cross between
Crasins and peas
I
don’t wanna be mistaken
for a dried up grape
or a Fuckin dried up tomato
I don’t want to be mistaken
for Edgar and Louise
and I don’t wanna be a
little weed in your fields
I just want to be a free spirit like the breeze!
Mutha Fucker! Free, Yeah!
Fish Tank full of Cum
I looked around
I looked around
looked round that whole damn store
I could find nothing to my dismay
But when I found that fish tank full of Cum
It surely made my day
I
just bought a fish tank full of Cum
Looked so good just sitting there
Made me want to Cum
Lucy, Brian, Crawdad, Ricky and don’t you forget Neil.
They had some manicotti and some desert
But when they saw that fish tank full of Cum
Made some of my friends hurl
I
just bought a fish tank full of Cum
Looked so good just sitting there
Made me want to Cum
Oh when you go to the store
and you wanna find somethin for your house
Somthin so sweet and somethin so keen
you gotta look around and around
You can get your ass to Loures
and try to find something sqeed
But when you find that fish tank full of Cum
it'll be so right you know what I mean?!
Chicks with Dicks
I
don’t want to be a man
I wanna be a chick with a dick
I don’t want to be a man
I wanna be a chick with a dick
Oh my god I cant believe what i'm seeing
Said my mother when I walked
into the house
Dicks! Dicks!
Oh my god I cant believe
A chick with a dick
You can see my Cramper you can see my
I wanna be a chick with a dick
I wanna be a chick with some tits’
I don’t wanna be a man
I wanna be a chick with some tits
Oh my god I cant believe what im seeing
They're on the playing cards
Tits! Tits!
Oh no I cant believe a chick with some Tits
You can see my pussy
You can see my
I wanna be a chick with Tits!
I wanna be a chick with a Dick
I don’t wanna be a man
I wanna be a chick with some Tits
Oh
my god I cant believe what I'm seeing
Said the doctor when I walked into the house
Dick! Tits!
my god I cant believe a chick with a Dick
And you got some Tits
Holy Shit!
Chicks with Tits
I wanna be a chick with Dick Tits!
Tie
on Tool
At night when
i'm pissed
I grab my tie on tool and rist
grab the Fuckin thing
drink it down
Oh Fuck I dropped my 40 oz. to the ground
The chicks dump on me
Chicks want the other Fuckin guys not me
I grab my tie on tool
oh Tie on tool...
Oh
I grab my tie on tool
you snap the cap and cramper
drink it up yum
yeah i'm drinking and i'm full of it
piss.
I can't believe I gotta piss again
tramatizing me
i just threw up
I can't believe
I just threw up
hang-over man
make it go away
now here it comes
Tie on tool
snap it on
Tie on tool
snap it on
Tie on tool
snap it on
I grab a 40 oz.
Tie on tool
your drinking now you're wishing it was water
Tie on tool
stumblin
Oh no Shit! Where's my mother?
Tie on tool
Bi-Focal
Fist Fuck
Bi-focal fist
Fuck
Seamen Ron
I
wanted a new life, I wanted to be free
So I went down to the docks
To see what I could see
And right there in front me
Staring me in the eye
Was the Iron Madden
This is how my new life would begin…
Seamen Ron
He said "My name is Seaman
Ron"
I said "Hi my name's Griff"
He said "Well there Griff, would you like to set sail?"
I said "You bet your ass I would!"
So we headed out to the mother land
Seamen Ron
we travels round the
sea
we traveled cross the great lakes
just Seaman Ron and me
we went to Turkey and we went to
we went to the tsunami and had a great laugh
I though it was funny, put a
smile on my face
But Seaman Ron thought it was dangerously ominous
The oceans can be rough
The seas are unforgiving
The seas they can be tough
I saw something off the stern
A wave larger then Haiti,
A wave
lager then a bus
So
I yelled "Batten down the hatches!"
And Seaman Ron sprung up
Out of a dead sleep
Seamen Ron was pissed off
we battened down the ship
and wave came crashing down with a
SPLASH! and a CRASH!!
I
heard man overboard
I looked out into the sea
And saw Seamen Ron
Drowning right there in front of me
So
when I came back to the port
With my flag at half mast
A tear in my eye
And one less Capitan
A crowd gather around
And said “Where's Seaman Ron?”
I cried “He's down in Dave Jones' locker never to be found”
So I picked up my guitar
and wrote this song
protesting my love
for the great one
yes its Seaman Ron
Seamen Ron
Who took
the Shit?
Who
took the shit?
Who took the shit?
Who took the shit?
You took the shit!
Was
it Robby?
Was it Bobby?
Was it Clarence?
Was it Clem?
Was it Lucy ?
Or Steven?
Or maybe it was Mel?
Was it Jimmy?
Was it Ricky?
Was it Chris?
Was it Burn?
If only it was Marty?
I think it might me Tommy.
Who
took the shit?
Who took the shit?
Who took the shit?
You took the shit!
Shit!
Sense of Security
Its
not the same when you’re there
Its not the same when you're gone
Its not the same when you lose
Your sense of security
I was alone in my room
my pants around my ankles
I was a little stiff, so I gripped it tight
I pulled and pulled
I was oh so close
Then my mom walked in on me
and that's when Iost
My sense of security
Its
not the same when you’re there
Its not the same when you're gone
Its not the same when you lose
Your sense of security
Dressed in my Sunday school clothes
We were reading the word of the Lord
But then I had no Fucking clue
He pinched and prodded
and grabbed and touched
sprayed Holy Water all on me
and that's when I lost
my sense of security
Its
not the same when you’re there
Its not the same when you're gone
Its not the same when you lose
Your sense of security
Last
time I lost it
We were laying on the beach
Atop of my wobbie
Making out under the stars
Little did we know the tide was coming in
Wash away my wobbie and with it
My sense
My sense of security
Its not the same when you're gone
Its not the same when you loose
Your sense of security
You're Cunt
Smells like a Dump
When I first
saw your Tits
I didn't know they could exisit
with those 6 inch aeriolas
and an Ass that wouldn't quit
So we went back
to my place
I got to first and second base
and when I went in for third
I felt like I'd been Fuckin maced!
Your Cunt smells like a dump
Your Cunt smells like a dump
and I didn't know what to do
because it smelled like piss & poo
mix in some Haddock & Salami
capped off with a raging blood tsunami
I don't think she even noticed
he rancid case of vaginosis
She said "Is there somethin wrong?"
I couldn't breathe it was too strong
Your Cunt smells like a dump
Your Cunt smells like a dump
You're a bloody Fuckin Douchebag
with a systematic Cunt
Yeah I would to eat your Pussy
But it smells like a dump!
I want to do everything
That I could ever believe
but you got to do somethin
about your dirty rotten beaver
Your
Cunt smells like a dump
Your Cunt smells like a dump!
Hey Rick (That girl you fucked last night was a dude)
Do you remember last night having 17 drinks?
Hey Rick
Do you remember being out on that dance floor with that chick?
Hey Rick
Did you really think that that was a cell phone in her pocket?
Hey Rick
I didn’t know you swung that
way bro,
but I heard you really rocked it!
Was as dude!
Do you remember waking up with white shit on your lips?
Hey Rick
That ain't no Clit you were sucking on
in fact I think it might have been her Prick.
I'm starting to think that maybe you knew the hole time
that’s Fucking
sick!
Go buy a purse cause I think your turning into a chick!
was as dude!
She was a fucking man
She didn’t have a pussy
She had two nuts and ham
She put it in your fanny
She put it in your mouth
You sucked cock
And now she is your daddy!
That girl you fucked
last night was a dude!
Was as dude!
Great Divide
I
wanna see your great divide
I
wanna be there
When you display your big behind
Display your big behind
I
noticed first in our class
Pretty face but better
ass
You drew mw in
Your ass it drew me in
I would walk 500 miles for you
Climb a mountain the size of 100 busses
Too I’d swim a thousand years to you
I wanna be there
When you display your big behind
Display your big behind
I fell down too my knees and
Uncontrollably cried
Uncontrol-a-billy cried
On
a boat
On a plain
In a Chinese tub
On a rift
On a raft
In a stream
On a graft
I would do anything please
Take me there with you
My
virgin eyes want to be de-virginized
Would you take me too and let me view your
Cheeks of gold
I wish I could hold them
Baby
I
wanna see you great divide
I wanna be there
When you display your big behind
Display your big behind